


Piercings and Petticoats

by BastetCG



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dean as Lolita, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid, Genderfluid Castiel, Genderqueer Character, Homophobia, Lolita, Mention Of Suicide Attempt, Mostly Fluff, Other, Pansexual Character, Pansexual Dean, Punk, Punk!Dean, Slice of Life, lolita!Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-13
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-17 06:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2299940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastetCG/pseuds/BastetCG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there was one positive thing to come out of Dean's smoking habit, it was Castiel.<br/>gender fluid!Cas, pnasexual!Dean, super queer all around</p>
            </blockquote>





	Piercings and Petticoats

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I started this a while ago when I heard all the wank about Jibcon and the whole "We don't want to make the show about something it's not about," shit and I don't know, I got really sad. And then not even a week later NBC was like, "Yeah, Constantine isn't gonna be bi in the new series, because it doesn't serve the plot" and I just?????? So enjoy this self-indulgent queer romance. It was born from my love for all things Lolita and Punk rock. And also fluff.
> 
> Also, if I have misunderstood genderfluidity or mis-written anything, please let me know. A lot of my friends are gender fluid, but I am not, and I probably made some mistakes. Thank you!

 

Dean’s palms were disgustingly sweaty.  Ugh, he hated how his nerves acted up!  Confrontation had never been his thing.  That’s why he preferred sabotage to directly taking the system.  So yeah, confrontation sucked, but when that confrontation involved three adorably dressed attractive girls, he couldn’t help but sweat a little more.

“Would you mind putting that thing out?” the center one said in a deep voice.  Dean’s cigarette nearly fell out of his mouth.  Oh, that wasn’t a girl.  Or maybe it was.  He was garbage at this kinda thing too.

“Uh, yeah, sorry.  Didn’t think you’d be able to smell it over there.”  There was a small gathering of fluffy pastel skirts and parasols a few meters downhill.  The three in front of him were, in his opinion, the prettiest of the group.  And that was why he was having such a hard time articulating.  He wanted to be suave.  He wanted to smooth talk that middle one into his bed.  Or into his arms.  Either way.  He just really liked attractive people, and damn, he needed a name, because they were too beautiful to describe without a name.  Big blue eyes, and long curly pigtails, one blond, the other a chocolate brown.  They had a leather purse shaped like a clock and stockings that barely ended before the petticoat started.  Every detail of their outfit was perfect, down to the acrylic nails and bow-studded earrings.  Dean could appreciate that kind of commitment.

He glanced down at his own shitty appearance: ratty jeans with more patches than denim, a ripped Ramones shirt, and his leather jacket.  He suddenly felt very very small.  Even smaller than before.  He fiddled with the smooth metal of his tongue ring, a bad habit he’d picked up in high school.

“There’s a bit of a downwind today,” that beautiful person in the middle said casually.  The other two girls (Dean assumed) tittered and grinned to each other.  Dean didn’t like that.  He tossed his light into the damp grass and snuffed it.  He swallowed nervously at the girls’ gaze.  Stuffing his hands, he was about to turn and head back to his dorm.  But there was something niggling in the back of his head.  He needed to get over this stupid fear of talking to pretty people.  He turned back to the trio, who were apparently going to watch him walk away, and said in the most even voice he could, “It wasn’t a real cigarette, you know.”

The person in the middle yanked on one of their pigtails, and their entire scalp shifted.  “This isn’t my real hair.”

“Cassie!” the two other girls giggled behind their gloved hands.  The red-headed one immediately went about readjusting the wig.  Dean was so caught up in finally having a name to put to the face, he almost didn’t react.

“Uh, oh-“

“You know those things kill right?” the other girl accused from behind Cassie’s shoulder.

“Y-yeah.  That’s why I’m using fake ones,” Dean stuttered incompetently.  “Tryin’ to quit.”

“What’s your name?” Cassie asked.

“Dean.”

“Castiel.”

“N-Nice to meet you.”

“This is Anna, and Naomi.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Dean shook their hands.  “Um, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s with all the…” he motioned to them and the groups sitting on the campus green space behind them.  Naomi raised a perfectly waxed eyebrow at him as she looked him up and down.  He tried to ignore her, but the sweat dripping down the back of his neck (which had nothing to do with the hot weather or leather jacket) was getting hard not to notice.

“It’s a Lolita meet up,” Castiel said simply, like it was something Dean would know about.  “We’re having tea and toast.”  Dean just nodded.  He was sure he had a glazed kind of look on his face, but Castiel gave him a small smile anyway, like that was just the reaction they were looking for.  “By the way,” they added in that deep and rumbling voice, “I like your shirt.”  Dean had to look down at himself again, desperately trying to remember how to read, or at least how to recognize his own clothing.  By the time he managed to look back up again, the group on the picnic blanket was waving the trio back over to them.  Anna and Naomi were turned to leave, both pulling Castiel by the lace.

“It was nice to meet you Dean.  And good work on the quitting thing.  Wish you luck on that!”  And then they were gone.  Scampered back to the rococo dress fest, or whatever it was that they were doing.  Dean had to admit, a lot of the girls and few guys that were there were all dressed really nicely.  He felt even more awkward standing and staring, so he lit another disgusting “lemon-flavored” cigarette (which tasted more like Sam’s dog’s backside than lemon, not that he’d know), and headed towards his dorm.  The light would be spent by the time he got back anyway.

~

Castiel didn’t see Dean for the rest of the semester.  It was rather a shame in Cas’s opinion.  He had an attractive face, and his stuttering had been cute.  It wasn’t what Cas was used to.  Usually, when people saw him in that kind of get up, they got wierded out, not self-conscious.  Cas usually found himself wondering about that Dean in free moments.  He’d done a good job with that mohawk.  Did the piercings go any lower than his face?  How long did it take him to do his makeup in the morning?  Cas sighed and turned back to the professor.  Cas always tried to get to class at least five minutes early.  One late appearance in his freshman year had made sure of that.  It was bad enough that people stared, but when he was thrown into the spotlight like that, he was more likely to get the shit beat out of him.

He was pretty excited for this class.  He’d wanted to take gender studies since high school, but his class schedule was always full with physics and trig classes.  And that’s why he would probably be the only junior in a class of freshmen and sophomores hoping for an easy grade.  The class filled slowly, then almost all at once.  The lesson started with an introduction of the teacher and a quick show of hands with the question Cas had hated since he could answer.

“If you’re a boy, raise your hand.”

A few people raised their hands.  Cas scanned them.  There were probably about ten of them in a class of fifty, and they all looked very comfortable in their masculinity.  Cas raised his hand slightly.  He was feeling more masculine today anyway.

“Alright, put your hands down.  Girls?  Please raise your hands.”  The rest of the class raised their hands.  There were a few murmurs about the point of this exercise.  Cas glanced at the extra space next to him and raised his hand slightly.  Just at that moment, the door opened again, and Dean strolled in.  His hair was blue this time instead of green, and the Mohawk stood a little taller.  He had chains practically dripping off his patched jeans and the spikes on his plaid jacket practically screamed don’t touch me.  Cas couldn’t help it; he stared outright.

“Thank you for joining us.  Just in time to be counted with the girls,” the teacher said with a small smug smile.

“Hell yeah, what’s up ladies?” Dean grinned back cheekily.  A few of the girls giggled, but a lot of them rolled their eyes.

“Name?” the teacher asked going back around her desk.

“Winchester.”

“Take a seat.  And remember next time, we start at 11:30, Mr. Winchester.”

“ _Ms_. Winchester,” he corrected her.  She rolled her eyes.  Dean clomped up the steps of the middle row.  Cas hadn’t taken his eyes off him since he entered, and he had a feeling Dean somehow knew.  As Dean got closer, the sound of Cas’s nails drumming on the table grew quicker.  He stopped there, right in front of Cas.  He glanced up through heavily lined eyes and flashed a shy grin, totally lacking the confidence he’d shown, not even five seconds ago with the professor.  “Mind if I sit here?”

Cas almost fell out of his chair in the attempt to remove his bag.

“Alright, well, now that we’re _all_ here,” the professor glared up at Dean, who only flashed another toothy grin, “Let’s continue.  Males, females, alright.  If there’s anyone who’s nonbinary, or doesn’t fit into those categories who’s comfortable saying so?”

My time to shine, thought Cas.  He raised his hand gently.  He kind of hated doing this, but it was so much easier than having people whisper when he showed up one day looking like prince charming, the next day like the princess.

“Oh, wonderful!  Do you mind sharing your name and identity with the class?”

“Um, I’m Castiel and I’m gender fluid.”

“Pronouns?” the professor asked.  She moved back to her desk and scribbled some stuff down.

“Uh, whatever really.  I don’t particularly care.”

“The hell does that mean?” one of the boys across the room called out.

“Gender fluid means that Castiel here does not necessarily belong to either end of the male-female spectrum, but sort of floats around it.  His gender can change from day to day or even with the hour.  Is that a definition you’re comfortable with, Castiel?”  Cas nodded and waited for the backlash that always came with the explanation.

“But look at him, he looks like a guy.”

“Today he might.  But tomorrow he might decide he wants to wear a dress.  And the next day, he might feel androgynous.”

“But he’s a boy.  He would be a boy in a dress.”

“You see everyone, Gordon here is exactly why we need this class.  This semester we’re going to explore what gender really is, what it means across the globe, and how many people’s understanding of it is skewed by media, family, and religion.  Also, if I so much as hear a bad word about anyone’s gender identity or sexuality, I will remove you from the class.  My top priority is safety.”  The boy spluttered and tried to argue.  “Hush now, Gordon.  If you listen, you might just learn something about yourself.”

“Wow,” the deep voice next to him whispered.  “I completely didn’t recognize you without the…”  Dean pulled on a clump of his hair.  Cas smiled to himself.

“That’s kind of the idea,” he said quietly.

“She really knocked Gordon down a few pegs though, didn’t she?”

“Yeah.  I think I’m gonna like this class.”

“Me too.  Gordon needed to get his ass kicked if you ask me.  I mean, not that you did, but-”

“Oh, you know him?”

“Uh, yeah, unfortunately.  He’s an asshole and a misogynist.  He’s only taking this class as a joke.”

They both let out a sigh together, then laughed quietly to themselves.

“I’m sorry, you probably don’t even remember me,” Dean coughed.

“You still smoking?”  Dean looked up at him with wide eyes as Professor Visyak droned on about the gender binary.

“Uh, heh, well…So you do remember me,” Dean fiddled with the rings on his fingers.  It was endearing.  He glanced back again, then back at his hands.

“Well?”

“You sound exactly like my brother,” Dean smiled and laughed.  “Uh, I haven’t had a real one in a week, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks.  Don’t know how long that’ll last though.”

“We’ll see.”

Cas paid attention to the rest of the class as best as he could, considering there was a highly attractive, funny young man sitting right next to him.  When class let out, they’d gone over the syllabus and answered a few questions about the course.  Dean and Cas both stood to gather their things.

“To be honest, I’m actually looking forward to this class,” Dean commented shyly.  He only had a folded up piece of loose leaf and a pen, so overall, he was just looking for conversation.  Cas grinned and hoisted his floral print backpack onto his right shoulder.

“Me too,” he replied.  “Where are you headed?”

“Probably to lunch.  You wanna come?”

“Sure.  Have you tired Rucksacks?”

“The burger joint?  Naw.  Is it expensive?”

“You think I got money?  I was assuming it was your treat.”

And that’s how Dean and Cas accidently went on their first date.

~

Two months later, and Cas was staying over at Dean and Benny’s dorm more often than not.  She liked to cook for Dean sometimes, and nagged the boys until they picked up their smelly, grungy clothes off the ground.  Dean and she shared a bed most nights.  Dean was weirdly compulsive about that part of tidying up.  He always made his bed to military standards.  Cas had even bounced a nickel off the sheets once, just to see if she could.  Cas had to admit though; even though she’d already been mostly comfortable with herself, having Dean’s body pressed against her all night made her feel really really good about herself.  And Dean hadn’t even brought up sex!  And he let Cas choose who got to be the little spoon!  He was perfect!

Almost perfect, Cas thought as Dean opened the door.  He held his head down, which only meant bad news.  Cas put the last plastic cup back on the shelf and stared at Dean.  She’d see eventually how bad it was.  That didn’t make it any easier.

“You gonna let me patch you up this time?  Or you gonna whine and fuss like a baby again?”

“’m not a baby,” Dean mumbled.

“C’mere.”  Dean followed Cas to their bed and sat down while Cas got the first aid kit out.  Cas took Dean’s chin in hand and turned his head from side to side.  It wasn’t too bad.  Bloody nose, and some bruising on the cheek.  Black eye.  Cas sighed and knelt down.  “Who was it this time?”

“Gordon.”

“Again?”

“Yeah.”

“What’d he do?”  She gently sanitized the small cut on Dean’s lip.  Her boyfriend flinched like he did every time they did this.  Dean mumbled.  “What’d he say this time?”

“Called you a freak.  Just, bad things, Cas.  I’m so sick of his shit!”

“Dean, you don’t need to protect me from human garbage like Gordon Walker.  He’s all talk, we’ve been over this.”

“I know, but he just- ugh!  He’s such a piece of shit!  I don’t understand why he can’t just accept it.  It’s not like it even fucking affects him!”  Dean snapped his jaw shut, as if to prevent another expletive.

“Dean, have you been smoking again?”

“Wha-”

Cas didn’t even wait for him to deny it, she just held out her hand and waited for Dean to dig through his pocket and deposit two sad, wilted cigs into her hand.

“You were doing so well, too.”

“Couldn’t help it,” Dean groused.  “I got anxious after beating the shit out of him.”

Cas sighed and went back to rubbing some ointment on the bruising around Dean’s left eye.  “Did you kick his ass?”

Dean huffed indignantly and scoffed.  “The fuck kind of question is that?  Of course I kicked his ass!  He’s a fuckin’ baby.  Have you seen him punch?  It’s like getting hit with a mother fucking pillow.  Shit.”

“Did he cry?”

“Hell yeah he cried.”

“Good.  Then you don’t need to be beating him up anymore.”

“Yeah, but I still gotta skin that asshole Al.  God! He gives me the fucking creeps!”

“Dean, if you keep beating the shit out of students, they’re going to start considering having you expelled.”  Cas used delicate touches to apply the ointment despite Dean’s contradicting flinching and complaining that he could take the pressure.

“Cas, Look at me.  I’m a punk, majoring in polisci.  They asked for this.  They let me in.”

“Fuck you,” Cas said affectionately.  It was true though.  Cas was kind of glad pictures were not a requirement for college applications.  She had no idea how Dean would have gotten in anywhere if they had.  Few people approached him in public, and fewer did in class, unless of course, they were also punk.  Cas didn’t want to think what she’d have done if she had to submit a picture on her application.  Use one from before she came out to her family?  One of her?  One of him?  One of when he felt like both?  Or neither?  God, the gender bubbles had been hard enough for Cas.  She sighed once more, just in case Dean hadn’t gotten how tired Cas was of patching him up.

Cas stood a few minutes later, her knees creaking and dress swishing around her thighs.  Dean flopped back onto their bed.  It was quiet in the room aside from Dean’s soft breaths.  He called from his prone position, “You wanna watch something and cuddle?”

“A movie sounds good to me.  What’d you wanna watch?”

“ _Clerks_?”

“Again?”

“It’s a fucking classic!”

“I know!  I got that the first twelve times you made me watch it!”

“Fine, fine.  What do you wanna watch?”

“ _Kamikaze Girls_ ,” was Cas’s immediate reply.

“What?”

“ _Kamikaze Girls_.  You’ve gotten to educate me in your subcult, let me show you mine.”  For a moment Cas thought Dean was going to protest, but then he sat up slowly and rubbed at his good eye.

“Okay.  Fair’s fair.”  Cas grinned and plopped down on Dean’s lap.

“You’re too good to me.”

“Damn right,” Dean laughed between kisses.  “Hey, hey, c’mon!  If you don’t stop, we won’t get to watch anything tonight.”  With a final kiss, Cas got the laptop and set it up so they could watch the movie from the bed.

When it ended, Dean exclaimed, “Is that it?  What about the motorcycle chick’s gang?  I’m so confused.”  Cas giggled into Dean’s worn Zep shirt.  It had a few new blood stains and holes, but Cas ignored them.

“It’s not about the motorcycle gang, although I think it’s explained a little better in the light novel.”

“Alright, misses film analyzer, then what _is_ it about?”

“Well it’s about two fundamentally different people learning to get along,” Cas said simply.  “And it’s about how sometimes other people can’t understand those who are different.”

Dean sat there with Cas warm in his lap, and sighed.  “Yeah.  I guess you’re right.  I liked the movie, Cas.  Thanks for suggesting it.”

“I figured you should at least watch the movie if you’re serious about dating a Lolita.  It’s a classic,” she said in a lilting tone.

“Are you mocking me?” Dean replied in false accusation.

“Never!” Cas laughed again.  When she stopped smiling, she said quietly, “I thought it made pretty good parallels to our relationship.”

“I noticed that.”

“Just don’t you go out buying any motorcycles!”

“Dang,” Dean sighed.  “That was my plan.”  He kissed the top of Cas’s head and tucked her into the covers.  Just as she was about to protest, Dean said, “I’m just getting snacks, I’ll be right back.”

~

Dean was laying on top of his covers, flipping his switch blade in and out, mainly just to pass the time.  Today was one of Cas’s meet ups with the rest of the campus Lolitas, so they were busy putting on his makeup in the bathroom.  Dean loved the dramatic reveal of these days.  Cas would always step out of the bathroom looking like some sort of cupcake spirit.  Today was no different.  As Cas pushed the door open, Dean scrambled to look over the back of the couch and tuck his blade away.

He flopped back onto the couch with a sigh.

“How is it that you’re always so fuckin’ attractive?”

“I think it must have to do with my genes.”

Cas was in a cornflower cupcake-looking dress, circled along the hem with pretzels and rolls of bread and mashed potatoes.  They had a bright blue flower in their hair and looked like they hadn’t bothered to brush their hair.  God, they looked perfect.

“Your makeup looks good.  You did a much better job on the eyeliner this time.”

“That’s all thanks to you,” Cas flirted.

That’s the only kind of makeup I know how to use,” Dean deflected.  “Anyway, what’s the deal with the salty and the startchy?”  He ran a hand through his Mohawk and Cas came around the couch to sit on Dean’s feet.  “You’re usually covered in candy, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but I really like bread.”

“Yeah, I know.  This won’t clash with the aesthetic?”

“No.  I know what I’m doing.”

“Is this one of the ones you made?”

“Yeah.”

Damn, you did a great job on that hemming.  I’m gonna have to have you hem one of my kilts.  It got ripped up a while ago.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him.  “So the truth comes out now, huh?”

“What?  That I only started dating you so you could hem stuff for me?  Shit, I thought I was being subtle.”

“It’s okay, I still love you,” Cas said as they leaned forward to kiss Dean.  Dean caught them just before they reached his lips.

“You’re gonna fuck up your make up.”

“Fuck. Thanks, Dean.”

“Not a problem, babe.”  Dean gave him a quick peck on the cheek and propped them both upright again.  “But your meet up is at eleven, right?”  He glanced at his phone.  “You’d better get going.”

Cas sprang up from the couch and began racing around the apartment for their things.  A woven hand bag, their Maryjanes, and the blueberry pie Dean had made last night.  When they were all ready, they headed to the apartment door, but paused to look back at Dean.

“Uh, hey,” Cas said uncertainly.  Dean looked a little lonely on the couch all by himself, and although Cas knew Dean didn’t mind being alone for extended periods of time, Cas still felt a little uneasy leaving him in the apartment.  “You wanna come with me?”

Dean’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair.  Cas could tell by the swell just below his lips that Dean was fiddling with his piercings again.  “Uh, I don’t think I’d really fit in Cas, but thanks.”

“Maybe next time then.  When I’ve had a chance to pretty you up.”  Cas gave a wink and a smile and disappeared out the door before Dean could say anything else.

The next time Cas went to a meet up, he introduced everyone to his boyfriend, Dean.  Dean looked great in kadona Lolita, and he added a nice classic balance to Cas’s Over-The-Top coord.  Despite Dean’s reservations about his hair and piercings ruining the aesthetic, he got several complements on his coord from the other Lolitas.  And Cas loved how flustered and red Dean got from it all.

At least until Dean decided to get revenge the next week by dressing Cas in all black and having him go to a concert.

~

It took them a year and a half to get around to having sex.  Cas had always told Dean he wasn't interested in sex, that he wasn't ready, and didn't have the sex drive most people did, but he explained his conditions more clearly after a year of dating.  He said, “I’m really asexual, so don’t feel bad if I’m not into it or something.  And it’s gotta be more than a just stick and we’re done.  There’s gotta be feelings.”  He’d raised a skeptical eyebrow at Dean.  Dean just nodded.  That night Dean had researched asexuality for two hours.  He just wanted to make sure he understood what Cas was saying.

That very night, he’d asked, with Cas all pressed along his back, “So you wouldn’t mind having sex, it’s just not really necessary?  Is that what you’re telling me?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay that’s cool with me.”

“You’re taking this well for a man.  Usually men get dejected when they find out they’re dating an asexual.”

“The hell would I be dejected for?  I got a beautiful fucking celestial being in my bed.  Who cares if we never have sex, Cas?  What’s important is that we’re both comfortable if it does ever happen.”

“Have I told you that I love you today?”

“Not with words,” Dean had replied.

“Well I’m telling you now.”

“Shut up and keep playing with my hair, asshole.”

They didn’t really talk about it much for the next six months, aside from quips and flirtations across the apartment.  Benny would roll his eyes or make cliché snide comments like “Get a room,” or “queer ass nerds.”  Neither of the statements really offended Cas or Dean that much, considering half the time Benny was sucking face with his partner Andrea.  She’d never been shy about the fact that she had a penis.  And Benny didn’t really seem to mind either.  And it also turned out that Cas and Andrea were friends from the student pride union.  Small world, huh?

Regardless, it happened on a day Dean least expected.  He was trying to explain to Cas why Andrew Jackson Jihad was such an important example of the folk punk genre and how the messages were so poignant to their generation’s attitudes of existentialism and nihilism.  He was about to delve into how the discord in some of their songs added to the atmosphere of confusion when Cas surged forward and kissed him fiercely. 

“I think I’d like to have sex with you now.”

“Oh, uh. Chill,” Dean stuttered.

“I can’t taste any smoke on you either.”  Cas pressed their lips together again, with just as much enthusiasm as before.

“Been two whole months,” Dean managed to gasp out.

“I’m so proud of you.”

“Not that big a deal.”

“Yes it is.”  The rest of the conversation got lost between their kisses. Things got a little awkward for Dean as they moved on from that though.  Cas was completely unabashed at the uncomfortable questions, much to Dean’s surprise.

“So uh, who’s gonna be on top?”

“Would you like to be on top, Dean?”

“Yeah, for the first time, I think so.  I mean, if we ever do this again-”

“Deep breaths, Dean.”

“Fuck you.”

“You’re about to.”

Dean couldn’t help but laugh.  In fact, they were both giggling throughout the night.  The giggling stopped when Benny banged on the wall and they had to bite pillows or shoulders to quiet down, but the entire experience was “rather enjoyable” according to Cas. Dean couldn’t help but giggle at that.

When he collapsed next to Cas, the mood shifted a little.  Cas sighed loudly and curled into Dean’s side.

“James.”

“What?” Dean responded.

“The name on my birth certificate is James.  Everyone called me Jimmy until I came out.”

“Cas, you don’t have to tell me this,” Dean said as he tucked a sweaty piece of hair behind Cas’s ear.  He knew how uncomfortable it made Cas when people asked him what his “real gender” was, and what his birth certificate said, like it was any of their fucking business.

“It’s okay, Dean.  I want to share everything with you.”  Dean pulled him closer so they could share body heat.  Dean kept his room cold so they could cuddle comfortably.

“Uh, I-” Dean swallowed quietly.  He hadn’t told anyone what he was about to tell Cas.  He hadn’t even told Benny or Charlie.  But Cas trusted him.  It was only fair that Dean do the same.  “I uh, I attempted to kill myself junior year of high school.”  There was very little reaction from Cas aside from a heavy sigh.

“That makes me very sad, Dean.”

Dean tried to laugh it off, but Cas squeezed his bicep.  “It’s okay Cas, I got help.  I’m good now.”

“I know you’re…better, but the fact that you would ever think of doing something like that pains me, Dean.”

“I know, I deserve to struggle through this shit like everyone else.  I got it Cas.  I’m really better now.  Really, I am.”

Cas smiled a little, and said nothing else.  They fell asleep quickly after that, to blissed out to keep their eyes open.

~

They both graduated the next year.  Cas got an internship at a hydroelectric power plant almost immediately afterward.  Dean had to go back to study law, but graduated early and then went to work, mostly handling pro bono cases.  He was disappointed when he had to shave his Mohawk and take out his various piercings, but that issue was quickly solved when Sam decided to go pre-law as well.  The two opened their own law firm that focused on affordability and quality.  In fact, Dean even had Cas’s name legally changed for their three year anniversary.

Cas hadn’t cried so hard since he was in high school.

It took another few years for same sex marriage to make its way into law, but Dean and Cas were practically the first in line to be wed.  They even made the local paper- _Unconventional Couple:_ _Pierced Lawyer and Non-binary Engineer wed at courthouse._ It was a short article, no more than a few stout columns, but when Cas saw it, he gave Dean a deep kiss.

They tried to adopt.  At first, no one would consider them seriously.  Then there were adoption agencies that refused to even consult with them.  Apparently, it was better that a child stay an orphan than be placed into a loving home.  Dean ruined his two-year-long clean streak that month and smoked two whole packs in one day.  Cas refused to speak to him for a whole week.  Eventually they found someone, a crazy woman named Pam, to help them find a child.  When she heard that age wasn’t an issue for them, she suggested looking at some of the safe houses.  Not two months after that, they went home with a twelve-year-old named Krisy.  Her parents had died in a car crash, and when her god father found out she didn’t like boys, he threw her out.  She made home life much more colorful, to say the least.  Dean took a year off from work to get her all settled in.  Charlie took his place as the resident “punk rock lawyer”.

They had a good life that they’d built together.  They were happy, even if there were those who wished them ill.  They had each other and they were family.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I'd like to apologize for not updating Devil's Toll, like oh my god I'm garbage. I have the next chapter about halfway written, but with no artwork ready, so like, maybe another month??? I don't man.
> 
> But if you're unfamiliar with Andrew Jackson Jihad, you should definitely give them a listen, especially if you've ever had anxiety or depression or a shitty fucking day because their music is so goddamn real it hurts sometimes okay im done im out hope you enjoyed


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